A LONG GOODBYE TO THE BIRD

I once had this cool friend. Let’s call him “Twitter”.  He introduced me to all the best movies, music, TV and comedy. And he was so funny.

But he could be even funnier than that.

He alerted me to social issues…

… and gave me a candid glimpse into the minds of politicians.  

Sometimes he gave sage advice…

… and other-times he’d drop a truth bomb.

But most importantly, he was first with the news.

Still, there were cracks in our relationship from the start. For instance, he’d often deliberately misunderstand what I was saying in order to get a rise out of me. And if I didn’t take the bait, he’d have a go at my creative output. Or my voice.

But I didn’t desert him. I’m loyal to my friends – particularly after they’ve introduced me to the greatest sketch of all time.

But as the years went on, there were more bad days than good as my friend swapped wit and relevance for a smaller world view. He started fighting with everyone about everything and his spelling and grammar deteriorated. I’d sometimes point out his mistakes, but he’d just scold me for focusing on the “wrong kind of stuff”. You see, he was convinced Obama was “a Muslim” and the birth certificate he produced was a “fAkE.”

Then, after putting a photo of a flag on his profile, he told me he was voting for Trump.

So much has happened since. Trump came and went. There was an insurrection and a pandemic. My friend called me a “sheeple” for taking the vaccine. Then, he told me it’d kill me in a few months. But I’m still here. So now he’s predicting I’ll be dead in seven years.

But we still hang out. Not because we have anything in common. Just out of loyalty to that first flush of friendship.

Sometimes, in a moment of contemplation, I think of how cool he used to be.

And the company he once kept.