BEST GOLDMAN SACHS JOKES EVER
Josh Frydenberg has taken up a new position with investment banking company Goldman Sachs as the firm's senior regional adviser for Asia Pacific. Woah! None of us saw that coming!! I’m joking. Once the AFL weren’t interested in his services, we all saw it coming.
So let’s celebrate with our favouite Goldman Sachs jokes ever.
"Why are government employees filing a civil suit against Goldman Sachs? That's just going to be embarrassing in a few years when they all go back to work at Goldman Sachs."
- Stephen Colbert
"By the way, all of the jokes here tonight are brought to you by our friends at Goldman Sachs. So you don't have to worry, they make money whether you laugh or not . . ."
- President Obama
The top ten Goldman Sachs excuses:
9. You're saying 'fraud' like it's a bad thing
8. Planned on using money to buy everyone in America delicious KFC Double Down sandwich
7. Distraught over George Lopez's move to midnight
6. We were framed by evil menswear company Goldman Slacks
5. Since when are financial institutions not allowed to screw their customers?
4. Hey sport, how much to make these questions go away?
3. America needed a villain both Republicans and Democrats can hate
2. Everyone we ripped off got an 'I Got Cheated By Goldman Sachs' tote bag
1. Uhh, it's Obama's fault?
- David Letterman
"$8.7 billion of our money has gone missing in Iraq! I didn't even know they had a Goldman Sachs over there."
- Jay Leno
On Goldman's ban on swear words:
So let the word go forth, Goldman may still fuck you over, but from now on, they themselves will refer to it as making sweet sweet love to you.
- Jon Stewart
"Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five Republican senators fell out."
- Jay Leno